By Gabriela Herstik

 

Sex should be fun, and while they’re called sex “toys” for a reason, there is still unfortunately plenty of stigma surrounding sexuality and how we enjoy it; whether the stigma is around who we engage with sexually, what we like or how we like to express ourselves. The work of unlearning harmful narratives around shame never stops! And one of the myths that we must unlearn is that liking sex toys, and bringing them into the bedroom, means that you don’t like your partner, or don’t feel like they can satisfy you sexually. The stigma around sex toys in general is extremely harmful; especially when it inhibits you from enjoying yourself during sex. And while it may seem awkward to uncomfortable to ask a partner if you can bring in a vibrator or cock ring to the bedroom, introducing toys into your sex life could be spark you need to reinvigorate your relationship, bring you closer to your partner, or simply make the sex more exciting.


Here’s why you should incorporate sex toys into partnered sex.


To change the sex up


If you’ve been having the same missionary or cowgirl style sex for as long as you’ve been seeing your partner, chances are your sex life can start to feel routine. While there’s nothing wrong with this, sex is the most powerful when we’re present in the moment and present to the pleasure in our body. And if we’re so used to what this pleasure feels like, it can be easy to forget this energies power. Introducing a sex toy like the Bsoft Premium into the bedroom can help you find intimacy with your partner in a new way. Trying something new together can bring you closer, since sex toys can change up the dynamics that we’re used to. New sensations can help open up a world of erotic possibilities! And communicating how the toy feels, and what you like and don’t like is a wonderful practice, especially if you’re not used to sharing with your partner in this way.


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To make sure you get what you want


How can you expect to get what you want if you don’t ask for it? When we’re with a partner for a long time, it can be easy to expect them to read our minds. We can feel like they know what we like and that they’ll eventually do that thing we love if we think hard enough about it. If we don’t communicate our desires, however, how can we expect them to be met? By incorporating sex toys into the bedroom, you can make sure you’re getting exactly what you want. If you know you need a lot of clitoral stimulation during sex, you can try incorporating a wand like the Bthrilled Classic into your next sex session. Have your partner watch you use it, or guide them in getting you off. By sharing what you like and how you like to be touched, you can make sure you’re getting what you want.


To enhance the experience


Another reason you may want to incorporate sex toys into partnered sex is to enhance the experience! Besides the excitement of trying something new, sex toys can offer sensations that bodies can’t! If you’re having sex with someone who has a penis, you can try using a cock ring like the Bcharmed Basic, which comes with a vibrator to also enhance pleasure for people with a clitoris. This can help open up new pleasure that sex sans sex toys simply can’t. Using toys like a blindfold, a gag, a crop, rope or bondage tape can also help you make your next session kinky while also upping the sensations and experiences you’ll be sharing. You can even start small, like having your partner blindfold you while they use your favorite toy on you. Or explore impact play through spanking or with a crop as you use your favorite toy, like a vibrator, on yourself. Sex toys are there to add to the experience you’re having with a partner; not take away from it.


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To bring you closer


As mentioned above, sex toys are an additional way for you to connect to your partner. They’re a way for you to share what gets you off and how. They’re a model of how you like to be touched; a sexy addition to your typical routine. What if for foreplay you had your partner watch you masturbate, and then you had them try using your toy on you? What if adding some more sensation to sex meant more pleasure, meant being more present in your body and being able to reach new orgasmic heights? Sex toys aren’t something to fear, but something to see as another tool in your arsenal for having the validating sexual experiences you’ve always longed for. If your partner is threatened or uncomfortable with you using sex toys, and especially the idea of you using them together, take the opportunity to have a conversation about it. Explaining that a toy could never replace a human, and that they’re actually there to help enhance the experience, can help quell their fears. This conversation, and then using sex toys together, could in itself bring you closer and remind you both there’s nothing to fear, and that more options mean more ways to be intimate and to connect with one another.


Sex toys should bring you new ways to connect to pleasure, so try seeing them as a doorway for more of what makes you or your partner feel good. You don’t know what kind of new desire awaits on the other side until you open the door and try.