dating

Relationships can be pretty difficult at times. While it’s a joy to be able to walk through life with someone you love and enjoy, it has its fair share of ups and downs. Like any great roller coaster, there’s a level of thrill accompanied by some moments of doubt. Aside from some healthy communication and compromise, you know you’ve hit a roadblock in your relationship when you find yourself in a sexual rut. Typically for those in long-term relationships, there may come a time when the spark dies down, and tension begins to brew in the bedroom instead of passion.

WHAT'S MY KINK?

It seems every person on the planet has some kind of Kink that they're either interested in trying or desperate to keep doing. Having a special kind of consensual sexual interaction that you like the most does not make you a freak, at least not anymore. Where I live in LA, entire communities of kinky people get together under a common interest, and many of those interests are not exactly mainstream. It got me thinking. What is my Kink? I'm an open-minded lady. I'm tolerant, I'm accepting, I open my arms to all kinds. So why don't I have a kink? I went on a hunt to figure it out.

WHAT IS A KINK?

Since I'm no sex-meister, I referred to Los Angeles based marriage family and sex therapist Liz Selzer-Lang, LMFT, for a professional explanation. She explained that in the professional world they don't refer to someone as having a kink:

"Kink is a broad, umbrella term that describes many forms of sexual fantasy, erotic expressions, and identities which may involve sexual AND/OR psychological role-playing, bondage and discipline, sadomasochism, and other interpersonal dynamics."

Well, discovering a kink or kinky behavior isn't so easy. I realized as unprejudiced as I am, I'm going to have to get over various social taboos and personal hang-ups, and to do that, I have to educate myself on what's out there. What are the options?

WHAT ARE POPULAR KINKS?

According to Selzer-Lang, a popular kink or kink dynamic usually involves a power exchange. And after scrolling Reddit and other popular sites she's right on, but lawd there are so many! How will I ever find mine? I had to narrow them down to the ones that kept popping up.

AGE PLAY :Young girl and an old guy or young guy old gal. I did sleep with a 26-year-old when I was 34 but don't think that counts. Definitely gonna try this one.

ROLE PLAY: 

Sex & the City & the Quarantine: What We’ve Learned About Ourselves in Isolation

It’s now January 2021, and, just like that, the United States has been in some semblance of quarantine for almost a year now. Workplaces have gone remote, masks have become a trendy fashion statement, class is now in session via Zoom, and the landscape surrounding sex and dating has changed dramatically. I couldn’t help but wonder - during a year in isolation, how have we grown in our relationships with our partners and with ourselves? How have we gotten acclimated to the “new normal” in ways we might not have even noticed in regards to our dating and sex lives? How have we become closer with our bodies and ourselves during this time of forced solitude?

Here are a few of the lessons we’ve learned about ourselves and our bodies (and our libidos) during a year-long quarantine period:

● The saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” couldn’t be more true.

Some of us may live with our partners, while some of us may live separately from them - and some of us may not be partnered up at all. Regardless, our absence (or lack thereof) from these people can skew our emotions and have us romanticizing (or dreading) certain relationships in our lives. Regardless, the old adage is true - absence makes the heart grow fonder - and quarantine surely has taught us a lot about the need for alone time. It’s healthy to have some time allotted in your day for self-care, even if you’re in a relationship.

● Communication is key.

The pandemic has changed the way we communicate with those who are significant to us. Screen time has become a substitute for face-to-face interaction, and body language and facial expressions have changed greatly with the advent of masks. Now more than ever, in all facets of our life - whether it be work, school, our social life, or the bedroom - we must communicate our wants and needs thoro

Lots of people have experienced sexual anxiety. Feeling anxious about our sex skills is totally normal, but it can really ruin a horny moment when it happens more than not

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I’ve learned in therapy that anxiety is a future-oriented emotion. The majority of my anxiety comes from future-tripping – what if they have a terrible time? Maybe they think I’m too loose! I forgot to shave. They’re gonna leave me!

Because of these anxious thoughts, I try to stay present when it comes to sex and not focus on a particular outcome. What can I say? I wasn’t born knowing how to bang.

Sexual anxiety is something that people of all ages deal with, even if they consider themselves a sexual dynamo. Sometimes, this type of anxiety can be situational and pop up because of a new sexual encounter. Other people might find it hard to have great sex on a regular basis because they have an anxiety disorder. Oh hello!

WHAT CAUSES SEXUAL ANXIETY?

The most recognized causes of sexual anxiety are feeling insecure about how well we do in bed, what we look like, or trouble with general intimacy.

Sexual anxiety can appear differently in males and females, but for the most part, it’s related to the fear that whatever they do in the boudoir may be disappointing for their partner. Because of this fear, females may lose interest in sex, have trouble getting aroused, or have difficulty having an orgasm. It can be more obvious in males, like difficulty getting an erection, keeping an erection, or cumming too soon.

Sometimes, a past traumatic experience - possibly sexual violence can cause anxiety. Or sexual anxiety can result from the way we were raised - feelings of guilt or shame around sex and our bodies. Anyone remember the old saying - if you keep doing that, you’ll go blind! And of course, there are social expectations or “norms” th

Hey--is my mic on? Good; I have a few things to get off my chest. To the surprise of literally no one, 2020 started ugly and it only got uglier. It’s been more than rough for everyone. This year didn’t stop at a global health pandemic and losing some of our most beloved icons; it threw in an extra helping of crazy ahhh weather too. It’s been ghastly, but like sex, life requires patience. Let’s all collectively breathe and agree to look at this from a different angle.

By Gabriela Herstik

We get it; sometimes you just wanna get off. In our opinion, sex toys are the perfect way to amp up your sex life, adding some extra good vibes whether you’re going solo or with a partner. Vibrators are a vagina-owning persons’ best friend, but with so many delicious and delectable options out there, the question isn’t if to start but where? We’ve turned to the cosmos for a little sexy inspiration, to help match up each zodiac sign with a vibrator that is sure to blow them away. Read on for your match made in heaven.

By Amara Purlle

Ahh, long distance relationships. LDRs...lovers daring romance...lengthy doting rituals...loooong dry-spell run.... In this post, Amara Purlle cast the net out to...the net...to see what her people’s more recent LDR experiences have been with Facetime in lieu of face-to-face time.

By Gabriela Herstik

No matter your relationship status, one thing still holds true; you have a right to pleasure. Scream it from the rooftops because it’s true. You have a right to know what feels good for you, you have a right to know what sets your soul aflame, you have a right to know what you’re into, and you have the right to claim it. But the reverse is also true; you have a right to know what you don’t like, you have a right to have boundaries, and you have the right to say no, always. A “yes, no, maybe” list is a list of things you’re into, some things you’re willing to try and things you’re absolutely not willing to try. This isn’t a document set in stone, instead, it’s something that can help you discover what turns you on, while also helping inspire your love and sex life.

by Amara Purlle

It's a meat market out there. I grew up in an analog world. Achieving any genuine romantic connection through an app, I scoffed, would yield superficial results at best. On the other hand, with a lot of online dating, it’s easy enough to tell who’s looking for a random hook-up, who wants someone to nest with, and who’s open to grabbing a drink and seeing if anything progresses without any string-like attachments. Thus raiseth the questions: What works for you? What is your end goal? Is boredom reason enough to try and connect with someone? Which method is the most effective use of your time and energy?