There have been plenty of strides made in the way people openly discuss matters of sex, from mainstream discussions of anal play in Teen Vogue magazine, to broader discussions of consent and boundaries in the context of the #MeToo movement.
But even for those of us adults who pride ourselves for our open-mindedness, one topic that is still wholly befuddling is how to prioritize our own pleasure in the bedroom. This has been more and more evident to me as women in my life confess to never having experienced an orgasm, or who just aren’t sure whether or not they have. Orgasm is unfortunately an experience that has eluded too many women even in today’s increasingly sex-positive environment. Part of the reason for that may be the fact that women’s orgasms are a hardly-touched topic in most sex education courses.
Hell, even in movies and television, the depiction of an orgasm during intercourse always seems represented as a “climax” between a man and a woman at the same time. That’s hardly ever the case, as only 25 percent of women orgasm vaginally, according to Psychology Today. Between modern sex-ed (which covers just the basics of sexual anatomy and STD prevention) and mainstream media, there’s very little recourse for women of all ages who want to learn how to experience pleasure in bed but don’t know where to look, or how to ask their partners for help. As a result, those women feel a certain stigma or shame and never fully enjoy intercourse.
Personally speaking, it’s been a lifelong road for me to even know that I wasn’t experiencing orgasm. Coming from a Catholic background, I learned from my mom about condoms and premarital sex, but there was never any handbook given to me about how to make an orgasm happen. I distinctly remember in my teenage years asking my best friend how to masturbate, as I had no idea it was possible for women to do so. “You’ve just got to use your finger and feel around, I guess?” she said, and noting the unease in her voice, I dropped the subject.
Since then, I’ve taken to plenty of Tumblr blogs (RIP Tumblr), erotic films, podcasts with sexual health therapists and even classes at sex shops to learn all there is about the mysterious O. Also, personal experience and exploration, and lots of it. In each of these sources the one thing that is touted as helpful is the use of a pleasure product. In terms of understanding what types of sensations feel best and how to maximize your pleasure either alone or with a partner, these can be invaluable. Here, then, are some examples of ideal products to use to help you gain your own sexual satisfaction, or even broaden your horizons.
What’s Your Pleasure?
CLITORAL - For amazing clitoral stimulation, the Bthrilled Classic is a staple among many who prefer a timeless look. This wand comes with a massage head and a motor that will run on two different speeds and three patterns to help you determine the rhythm you enjoy best. As a plus, this wand warms up to the user’s body temperature, so you can try it on multiple erogenous zones like your back, nipples, neck, or wherever for an even more creative playtime.
Additionally, the Bcurious Premium provides ease in handling, while its curved tip and smaller size provides some versatility, in case you’re just not a fan of holding onto larger wand-style products while you explore. It’s also designed for couples use and can be easier to activate its seven different functions during an intimate playtime session.
BLENDED - To experience an amazing combination clitoral and vaginal orgasm, rabbit massagers like the Bwild Deluxe Bunny or the Bwild Classic Marine feature both a massage head and a separate tickler designed to provide dual sensations at the same time. The trick that I’ve found in using one of these types of products is employing the wrist in angling it a certain way or providing some back and forth between massagers. What eventually results is an intense, bed-shaking orgasm that will leave you wanting more next time.
G-SPOT - For the percentage of people who delight more in arousing the G-spot (which is totally real and not mythical at all, thank you very much!), it’s best to look into products with elongated massage heads. In this case, the Bgee Classic, Bgee Classic Plus and Bgood Deluxe Curve would be your ideal allies. These products are designed with long, curved heads to traverse those harder to reach areas. It is absolutely best to lie on your back and allow the gentle vibrations (at whatever speed you prefer) take you away for the ultimate indulgent escape.
ANAL - On its own or incorporated in other sexual activities, anal play can yield gratifying orgasms as well. In this situation, the Bfilled Classic Unleashed is the ideal product, as its smaller size and shapely curves allow for ease in use for both newbies and experienced folks. The thrilling thing about the Unleashed is that it comes with a handy remote control, so either you or your partner(s) can switch between the five different speed settings to increase the intensity or find the speed that feels the best for you. Here, lube is your best friend— so use lots of it!
Sexual health is a vital component in our overall physical and mental wellness. Not only does sex help ease stress and anxiety, but it also clears our minds and provides a type of release that cannot be achieved otherwise. Moreover, experiencing orgasms can help build confidence in ourselves and boost our moods to face our everyday lives. The fact that more and more women are taking control of how to reach that level of satisfaction for themselves might in fact push for the normalization of frank discussions about consensual pleasure.
For those reading this who have yet to start realizing their full sexual potential, I’ve found that there’s no shortage of products out there to help you get there, but the most important thing you’ll need is patience. Whether turning yourself on solo or with others present, you absolutely need to be as relaxed and in-the-moment as possible in order to let the magic happen. Give yourself enough time, try new things, and sooner or later you’ll be in your own sensual nirvana.