“Roleplay” is a word that evokes different things for different people, bringing to mind everything from elegant elves to naughty nurses. Roleplaying in your sex life is a way to celebrate and explore titillating and exciting aspects of your psyche which can tie deeply, and sometimes inexplicably, to those tingly feelings of arousal we all live for.
The real trick is to be able to identify what exactly turns you on. At face value this question probably seems straightforward. But writing from experience, it's tough to get a leg up when first exploring sexual roleplay. Finding your fantasy ultimately means slipping into another skin, which gives you permission to indulge your curiosity and desire.
What if I feel silly?
I’m happy to report that you will most definitely feel silly. Sexual roleplay is a bit like edging; you’re standing at the edge of a pool of pleasure and diving in head first requires commitment. Even though you will have a partner involved, sexual roleplay is about unleashing yourself. It’s an act of self-exploration, self-care, and self-love.
Roleplaying requires a great deal of trust between partners, but after a few sessions, acting out these scenarios becomes comfortable, and you will find the door to sexy communication has swung wide open. Both partners will find themselves more open and happier to indulge their other half.
Where do I start?
Are you drawing a blank? Don’t worry. Sometimes the first step is the most difficult. I could give you a litany of characters to invite in (here’s an idea: vampires), but you probably know the commonplace ones (student/teacher, naughty nurse/patient, cop/detainee). The frilly French maid gets some people going, and I do think we should all put on that persona once. Try several out and see what works for you. Roleplay doesn’t have to be elaborate, but costumes, toys, and sex accessories come highly recommended.
Or… just be strangers. Put your best self forward. Get hit on and picked up by your partner in a new place, and go anywhere other than your home to consummate the act. As simple as this scenario may seem, giving yourself permission to be someone else will allow you to find what you actually want to explore.
How do I talk to my partner about it?
Roleplaying is about trust and safety, and power dynamics are often at the center. As with all things sexual, this should be discussed with your partner. Broaching the topic of a power dynamic isn’t always the simplest task, I know. However, if you’ve made it into a discussion about sexual role-play, your respective fantasies, and potential scenarios the transition is easy to make. I like to tackle this conversation by making it a gift or an act of service. Ask your partner what they want. The power dynamic may come up organically (“Oooh, teacher/student? I’m definitely going to want you to put me in my place!”), or you may have to be a little more on-the-nose about it (“I’ve always really liked being on top, so I’d like to be the cop in this scenario.”). This might seem a touch clinical, but the more you engage in sexual role-play with the same partner(s) the easier and more organic the conversation around power dynamics will become until you may be comfortable enough entering a scenario without a prior discussion and discovering it organically.
If you are hoping to be dominated and the person or people you are playing with don’t have it in them to dominate, then maybe that becomes a goal. It is important to set the parameters you are comfortable with—and excited by! These can be anything from how comfortable you are with the idea of being restrained (tied up, handcuffed, et cetera), or perhaps how titillated you are by the idea of it. The simplest way to set parameters is by going over what you both imagine the logical progression of the scenario would be to make sure you both agree on how it is going to play out. Think of it like writing your own romance novel.
“Empowerment” is a word we like to throw around in the age of women taking ownership over our sexual health, experience, and pleasure. Roleplaying will give you the power to have surprising—maybe even unexpected—orgasms, as well as the power to take charge of those orgasms. Indulging in roleplay will shoot your sex life into the stratosphere. The same fanciful situation you’ve been returning to time and time again will become your real-life fantasy once you’ve embraced the imaginative sexual goddess you are! (Hey, here’s an idea for a scenario: goddess and worshipper.)
The mind is the most powerful sexual organ. If you invite imagination into the bedroom, it will evolve and fortify you and your partner’s lines of communication, empower you to embrace your desire, and keep your spark of romance hot as you indulge new exciting sexual selves!