Allowing yourself to be penetrated in and of itself can be scary because it makes you so vulnerable. This applies to men, women and everyone in between. When you let something foreign inside of your body, you’re essentially exposing yourself. Owning vulnerability, though, is often noted in other aspects of life as being a key to true happiness. Breaking sexual barriers is no different.
For this post, we welcome Colt Chapman as he discusses prostate pleasure: who’s doing it, what it feels like, how to do it and why you should try it out (if you have a prostate, that is).
I’m going to just lay it down right off the bat: I’m a gay guy. That said, I feel like every straight man who reads this might automatically think “well, this doesn’t apply to me.” But there’s a twist! I’m primarily a gay *top.*
Let me back up here. A “top” in the gay community means that you’re the one who gives it during the butt sex. I would wager that nearly every single straight man just went “ew,” and the idea of doing anything sexual with your ass just sent you running for baggy jeans and a football game. Overarching stereotypes aside, as a person who trends “top,” I can tell you that even if you don’t dabble often in the world of butt pleasure, there is much pleasure to be had… and it’s not just for gay men, either.
It’s unfortunate that many men have never heard the word “prostate” outside of a doctor’s office. And, to some, the idea of going into such an office for a prostate examination might even be a nightmare. There’s so much more to a prostate than being a potentially cancer-prone body part that has to be uncomfortably checked by the doctor every year. In the past few years, the prostate has emerged as a new source of male pleasure. While prostate massage has therapeutically been used to support healthy prostate functioning, more than anything it can deepen your erotic experiences. If you’re armed with the proper information, you might find that you can discover new sexual horizons.
I’ll admit: I hadn’t been on the receiving end of the anal situation for some time. So when I decided to write about prostate pleasure, I knew I had to get back in touch with my prostate by going undercover as a “bottom” (you get what that is now without explanation, right?). Let’s just say I’m a committed to my craft. This piece is the result of my own asshole renaissance.
Even if you look at only the base function of the male prostate, it is easy to understand why it serves as a pleasure center for many men. The prostate gland essentially helps to secrete the fluid that makes up a significant proportion of semen. This is the gland helps to make an orgasm happen. Buried within the pelvic bowl, the prostate the prostate itself isn’t very large and it is shaped something like a sizable nut—not to be confused with the also-sensitive nuts found on the outside of the male body.
Many folks are unaware that the prostate is the quote/unquote “g-spot”. For most, this “p-spot” is extremely sensitive. It’s so sensitive that its stimulation can be pleasurable to the point that those with penises can orgasm without so much as touching the penis. Much like its vaginal counterpart (the G), the P is mysterious; so much so that it can almost seem like a forbidden fruit even if you’re aware of its potential wiles. Let’s unpack that mystery, shall we?
P Marks the Spot
One of the biggest obstacles can the whole “getting to the prostate” thing. Because of where the prostate is located, it’s not the easiest pleasure point to access; it’s typically found with the use of a probe into the anus. To be frank, sometimes inserting even a teensy little pinky finger into the anus can be very challenging, both physically and psychologically. It can be hard to allow yourself to be explored.
As discussed previously this year, allowing yourself to be penetrated in and of itself can be scary because it makes you so vulnerable. This applies to men, women and everything in between. When you let something foreign inside of your body, you’re essentially exposing yourself. Owning vulnerability, though, is often noted in other aspects of life as being a key to true happiness. Breaking sexual barriers is no different.
On a logistical level, curious prostate-havers often give up before they pass the sphincter—the muscle that expands and contracts in order to keep things inside and push them out when necessary. The sphincter is strong, and this is the toughest physical barrier when exploring the prostate. Like any muscle, though, it can be relaxed. With patience and focus, you can slowly be able to accept a foreign object. When starting off, a finger should be enough for exploration. There are also other tools, in the absence or aversion to a penis, that can do the trick... from butt plugs to dildos and vibrators, oh my!
It is important to use the proper kind of product when you decide to explore. Some items are made with an asshole in mind, and many others are not. Using a product that has a flange or flared-based is 100% necessary to ensure that anal play is safe. The right toy will not aggravate areas that it shouldn’t or travel irretrievably inward (or land you in a very uncomfortable ER visit).
The Road Less Travelled
- Positioning is key. It might be the last detail you think of, but it’s actually the first step you will have to consider. For the purpose of finding your prostate with some sort of ease, I recommend lying on your back, getting comfortable, spreading your legs so your anus is easy to access.
- It is important to relax at this juncture. Teasing the area with a light touch, or if a partner is present perhaps the mouth, will let your muscles know what’s up. (“Rimming” is a common ass-teasing practice in which a person uses a tongue and spit to do the touching and the lubing.) At this point, you are essentially massaging the area and allowing it to ease up, much as a masseur does to the PG-13 muscles.
- Speaking of lube, you’ll want plenty of it. Use tons of it. Gobs, even. Make sure your finger, plug, prostate massager, or (flared-base) dildo is slick AF.
- Gently insert your finger/massager/dildo. Go slowly and keep focusing on relaxing your anal muscles. I find it helpful to tighten your anus for a count of thirty seconds, then let go. Insert carefully upon exhale. As you get used to the feeling, you can tighten and exhale for a few more counts of thirty to both relax and become adjusted to the new sensation.
- Once your exploratory tool is safely in, softly curve upward into the body as and stroke from the inside.
- Feel it out a bit, and before long you should strike gold. Believe me, from experience, you will know when you hit the prostate. Specifically, you should feel a kind pressing. It is almost like touching a button that causes feeling to rush through your erogenous zones. Many might feel a generalized tingling throughout the pubic area. Think of the way your body tenses when on the brink of an orgasm. Hitting your prostate is similar to that: It’s basically like being on the constant edge of release. Doesn’t that sound nice?
After you’ve found it, try massaging it in different ways until you find something that works for you. I mentioned earlier that some prostates are so sensitive that the massage alone can cause orgasm. This may or may not happen for you, but massaging the prostate is, in many ways, a massage of the penis. Because the parts are all connected, proper stimulation can certainly help bring a guy to the edge. Regardless of how close the prostate alone gets you, occupying your other hand with your typical masturbation motions can help in intensifying the sensation, since you will essentially be attacking your sexual spots from both ends.
Keep in mind that it may be somewhat painful at first at first. When highly sensitive nerve endings are first discovered, the pleasure they can supply may not first be recognized by our brains. It is through relaxed, open exploration that we can allow ourselves to experience these sensations, fully and completely, so that the less obvious sexual pleasures can be discovered.
If You Build it, They will Cum
Set out on these adventures alone and once you’ve conquered your own arena, introduce it into partner play. Couples can find tremendous pleasure in prostate massage.
Don’t knock a butt plug before you’ve tried it! It can add next-level of sensations while the rest of your body is occupied. Eventually, you may feel comfortable enough to explore strap-on prostate massager that allow a partner to slide into the driver’s seat.
So there you have it: a primer on how to have a first-class, sky-high, prostate-fueled orgasm. While you may feel trepidation, the benefits outweigh the mental or physical discomfort you might first feel. Before long, you’ll be experiencing a new intensity of orgasm. As Earl Nightingale famously proclaimed, “All you need is the plan, the roadmap, and the courage to press on to your destination.” Pushing your sex life into a new realm can be exhilarating for both yourself and your partner, and that kind of discovery is an orgasm all its own.