It’s still #masturbationmonth and we’re still celebrating everything there is to love about self-love! Planned right, it can be super-fun and comes along with tons of health benefits, basically has no negative impact… and you don’t just have to do it alone! It’s actually one of the hottest sexual activities you can do with your partner to increase your intimacy. Think of it as Masturbation 2.0.
For this post, we asked Dr. Kristie Overstreet to answer all your questions about going solo… together.
What is mutual masturbation?
Mutual masturbation is just what it sounds like: you and your partner masturbate together or at the same time. For example, during foreplay, if your partner tells you they want to see you touch yourself because it turns them on. While you do this, they may be touching themselves as well. Both of you are experiencing arousal by the actual touch but also by watching your partner doing the same thing.
What if your partner is long distance, traveling, or not physically present with you?
Mutual masturbation doesn’t require you to be there with a partner. You can also experience this on the phone or through video chat. Embrace it! Don’t let barriers prevent you from experiencing this hot way of staying connected while apart.
What if I’m shy or nervous?
If the idea of touching yourself in front of your partner makes you feel embarrassed or shy, don’t judge yourself harshly. It’s common to feel this way because mutual masturbation can bring out your vulnerability. For example, if you are touching your body while your partner is watching and they tell you that you aren’t doing good enough, it can make you feel upset. It can lead you to be self-critical or wonder if something is wrong with you.
Words are powerful, and it is normal to feel a little fearful about how it will go the first time you try it. But remember that you never have to do anything you don’t want to do. Don’t allow yourself to say yes to something because you feel pressured. Try new things because you want to explore not because someone tells you that you should. You deserve to feel confident in experiencing pleasure.
Why should I consider trying it?
If you are open to changing things up in your relationship, this is a good way to do it. There are so many benefits to mutual masturbation. Here are a few:
- It is a powerful combination of actual touch arousal and visual arousal.
- It allows you to be vulnerable which leads to an increase in trust.
- It is a different experience than you are used to which prevents stale sex.
- It builds anticipation because you don’t know what your partner will do next.
- It allows you to focus on what feels good for you because no one knows your body better than you.
How can sex toys help?
Sex toys can be an excellent way to help you feel more comfortable and build your confidence with mutual masturbation. You already know how amazing vibrators and other pleasure products can be on their own, so why not let them make a guest appearance with your partner? Toys can be a great way to introduce mutual masturbation. Your partner is often thinking about you during their own solo session, so show them what you think about during yours.
For example, during foreplay tell your partner that you want to show them how you turn yourself on when they aren’t there. Bring out your favorite sex toy and show them what feels good for you. Tell your partner that you are off limits and they can only touch themselves during this time. They will be more than willing to take your direction as you both sit back and enjoy watching one another while finding your pleasure.
Mutual masturbation is like toppings on an ice cream sundae. Who would turn down syrup, sprinkles, and candy on top? You can get plain ice cream anytime, but if you want a special treat you have to load it with toppings. Treat sex and intimacy the same way: some days you want plain ice cream and other days go for the sundae...with lots and lots of toppings.