Let's Talk Fingers (and Toys) in Butts!
Throughout my years of sexual curiosity, anal play has been one chapter I’ve been hesitant to crack open up until recently. And since then, it’s become an array of experiences I have absolutely loved as I’ve learned more about my body, how it responds to new things and the trust I’ve enlisted in my partner to step out of our comfort zones and really spice things up. For the most part, I’ve dabbled with just some fingers and tongue, but recently I had my first experience(s) with a vibrating plug—both solo and with my partner. And with those now under my belt, this is what I've learned so far.
A is for Anal
Before we dive into the process and practices of fingers and toys in butts, let’s pump the brakes and take a short ride down education lane to discuss anal stimulation, an experience you’ve been curious to try, but need that extra push (or info) to get you onboard. According to Smart Sex Resources,
Anal play (anal sex) is sexual stimulation of the anus and rectum. Anal play can include external stimulation of the anus with fingers, toys or mouth, or penetration with fingers, toys or a penis/external genitals.
Indulging in anal stimulation for the first time can be overwhelming or even scary! And not for no reason, too. There are so many misconceptions floating around about butt play: it’s painful, it doesn’t feel good for women, there’s involuntary poop involved, your butthole will get stretched out, for example. Not to mention, some heterosexual male-bodied folks on the receiving end find it emasculating—a topic you can read more about in our posts on how to discover prostate pleasure and a beginner’s guide to anal sex. But if you’re seeking capital P pleasure, then you definitely need to hop on the booty bandwagon. The best thing about it? It’s truly for everyone.
One of the most important things to remember when exploring anything new is to go at your own pace. There is no need to rush into anything you are not okay with, so be honest and talk it out with your partner to make sure you’re on the same page and are comfortable taking this step forward in your sexual relationship. Peer pressure is NEVER the way to pleasure, period.
Another important thing to remember is that anal stimulation does not always mean penetration. We are able to experience pleasure and sex in so many different ways, so focusing solely on the penetration aspect can really cause us to miss out on so much! Additionally, most of your nerve endings are actually on the outside of your butthole, so why not just start there with a little finger or tongue rubbing? Enjoy the sensitivity and pay attention to how your body reacts to the movements. When does arousal kick in?
That being said, internal anal stimulation does NOT have to be painful and here’s how:
• Start off with a solo session if you don’t feel comfortable exploring with a partner yet. Solo exploration can help you really get to know what you do and don’t like about anal play first, so you’ll have a more enjoyable partnered experience.
• Keep in mind that the rectum does not self-lubricate, so use plenty of lube—like as much as you want, more than you think you need maybe. If you’re using a silicone toy and want less of a mess, a water-based lube is ideal. But, if you’re penetrating with a condom, a silicone-based lube is more latex friendly and preferred. Here’s a list of the best lubes for anal exploration to keep on hand.
• Go slow. Take your time to breathe through it. You may be nervous, anxious or apprehensive but try to relax your entire body. Focus on specifically not clenching your glutes or butthole as you explore.
• For those of us without a prostate, try stimulating your other erogenous zones (clitoris, nipples, etc.) at the same time to encourage pleasure over pain. But please remember, do not use the same finger or toy in both your butt and vagina. Doing this can transmit fecal matter and increase the risk of infection, so no, please don’t do that.
• When exploring anal stimulation with a partner, creating a safe environment and open communication is key. Set the vibe between all parties to be stress-free and open to enjoy whatever pleasure comes or doesn’t come.
Remember, there is no fault in starting small. Maybe stick with just the pinky finger for now and gradually work your way up to the thumb, and then when you feel that you’re ready to take it to the next level introduce a toy into the equation.
Orgasm Level on a THOUSAND
Did you know that the prostate is basically a g-spot for people who have prostates? The sensitivity of the prostate can produce larger than life orgasms. It’s so sensitive that someone with a prostate can have an orgasm without any additional erotic stimulation. Prostate massages can also reduce the risk of prostatitis, prostate cancer, genital pain and erectile dysfunction. And prostrate massagers are becoming more and more mainstream, with sales increasing 56% over the last five years, so don’t knock it until you try it, fellas.
As for women, anal sex is just one of over a dozen different ways we can achieve an orgasm, but it is said that those who partake in a little anal stimulation have an increase and consistency in orgasmic explosions. There’s also no risk of pregnancy when dabbling in anal sex, it’s a great alternative to period sex if that’s not what you’re into, increases sexual diversity in the bedroom… and honestly just feels awesome, no need to overthink it.
Did Someone Say Toys?
Let’s get into it. Butt plugs are what they are: they plug your butt. It can create pleasurable pressure on a prostate or on the back of the vaginal wall depending on your anatomy. However, it makes for a more intense sexual experience for a person with any type of body. And we are all for it.
Butt plugs in general are normally shaped for their function- and this is IMPORTANT. They start with a narrower tip to ease into your rectum. They get progressively wider towards the middle, and then narrow in again creating a small neck toward the base so your rectum can hold tight comfortably. For beginners, opting for a narrower neck may be best, that way you can work your way up to a wider neck as you become more comfortable with anal play. And so we don’t lose anything, a base, pull cord or ring flares out wide enough to prevent it from getting stuck inside you. Who knew so much thought went into creating the perfect butt plug? This goes without saying, but please do not insert anything in your bum that doesn’t belong. Anal sex toys are specifically designed with your pleasure and safety in mind, so leave those random household items out of it, please.
I tried out the Bfilled Classic Unleashed remote control massaging plug, which was an absolute game changer. Picture all of the above technical specs of a butt plug and then add vibrations. WOW. Cleanliness is key, and the Bfilled Classic Unleashed is made with nonporous, body-safe PU coated ABS plastic— it’s easy to wash, and prevents any bodily fluids or lubes from penetrating the toy, so no microbes or bacteria can grow inside or on the toy, because cleanliness is key!
Using a massaging plug is just like manual stimulation: the most important thing I would stress is to try and relax as much as possible. Similarly, if you’re nervous, try it out for yourself first and see how your body reacts to the buzzzzzzzzz.
This was my first time trying a butt plug with my partner and they were just as hype as I was to try it out! It really helped that my partner was also rubbing my clitoris at the same time, helping me relax my nerves and muscles in the area during insertion; a substantial amount of lube also helped. And once that baby was in, it fit like a glove. The tip was easy enough to get through, but I definitely had to breathe through the wider body making its way inside me. It wasn’t painful; I just felt more intense pressure where I wasn’t used to—again, a substantial amount of lube helped. But when I got to the tapered neck of the plug, it was like it *clicked* in place and an instant comfort as the plug found its perfect fit. I was surprised at the difference of feeling throughout the process of inserting the butt plug, narrow to wide and back to narrow, much different than a single finger in your butt. Continuing with clitoral stimulation and turning the butt plug on the lowest setting instantly made my vagina wetter and the nerves all over my body seemed to respond simultaneously. It was like a switch was turned on, and so was I (pun intended).
Start slowly and gradually work your way up to the higher settings as you feel more comfortable and relaxed. You’ve got five lovely speeds baby, take advantage and enjoy the ride! This playtime took me to the next level of butt play and I enjoyed it immensely. I wasn’t sure what to expect exactly, but what I got exceeded anything I thought would happen. Now I look forward to more opportunities to use this magical sexual instrument and see what I might want to try next. :)
Hopefully my experiences answer any lingering questions related to butt play and reassure many of you that your curiosity is well deserved and should be indulged in! Play around with some fingers, a tongue or a toy without reservation and in a safe and relaxed atmosphere for maximum pleasure. It’s time to take that next step toward the fuller sex life you desire.
Take a baby step out of your comfort zone and come join the party.