Grocery Aisle Sex

Going to the grocery store can be quite the snore. Mindlessly pushing a cart down aisle after aisle wondering, “What is life even? What is the meaning? Do I really need this much Greek yogurt?” Luckily, there can be more to the mundane experience of feeding yourself. In fact, there are a whole lot of sneaky fruit and veggie tips to perk up your sex life. The more natural the better! Grocery shopping has never been sexier.


1. Oysters

Legendary sex machine Giacomo Casanova was alleged to eat 50 oysters a day in an attempt to juice up his sex life. While that might not quite be the case, he did write about using oysters to seduce two friends, detailing how he, “placed the shell on the edge of her lips, and after a good deal of laughing she sucked in the oyster, which she held between her lips. I instantly recovered it by placing my lips on hers.” Who knows if the oysters truly had anything to do with anything, but it is worth noting that, as Dr. Michael Krychman points out in Natural Aphrodisiacs—A Review of Selected Sexual Enhancers, the zinc in oyster aids testosterone production and spermatogenesis.” Plus, they contain “specific amino acids and serotonin, which are integral in the neural pathway of the pleasure response.” And it doesn’t hurt to be a Casanova. Don’t forget to source your seafood responsibly, of course.


2. Pomegranate Seeds

Pomegranates are a mysterious fruit shrouded in myth and verse. Some believe that the pomegranate, not the apple was the true fruit the “wicked” Eve used to seduce her Adam. This fruit which was also a part of the ploy to lure Persephone to the mythical Greek underworld in what continues to be a sexy part of Judeo-Christian lore. In Song of Songs, a text allegedly written by King Solomon, the royal man waxes, “Your lips are like a crimson thread; your mouth is lovely. Your brow behind your veil [gleams] like a pomegranate split open.” And yet, the intrigue behind this fruit isn't just creation myths and romantic poetry for this fruit. Pomegranates are choc’ full of Polyphenols and Vitamin C. The former hooks up the blood flow and the latter the stamina — both essential ingredients for a sexy time.




3. Avocados

Not only do avocados look like a certain part of male genitalia, shares that the name literally comes from the Aztec word for testicles, “ahuacatl.” Additionally, they called guacamole, “ahuacamolli” or “testicle cream.” Yum. Aside from this nomenclature, avocado also has a literal use for sexual health. These creamy delights packed in turtle shell are high in folic acid, which is best known for its ability to help prevent birth defects (birth can sometimes be a part of sex, I’m told). Folic acid is a boon for non-pregnant ladies and gentlemen as well — it works to boost stamina (another important part of sex, I’m told).


4. Dark Chocolate

The fact any form of chocolate is on this list starts my heart a-pumping, but this one shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. During a University of Sussex study in which couples’ heart rates and brains were monitored while enjoying the good stuff and then smooching, it was discovered that chocolate caused the heart to beat harder and faster in addition to providing a longer “brain buzz.” The participants melted the chocolate on their tongues, which Dr. David Lewis believes helped to heighten the “buzz” and release the mild psychoactive properties of chocolate. Chocolate-covered everything has always been a part of romantic wooing, and it seems probable this buzz of the brain has something to do with it.




5. Chili Peppers

I know many among you may even see the word “pepper” and shudder in fear. Trust, my weak little tummy hears you and feels you—and is already prepared for the spicy and painful bathroom visit. Yet, despite my personal discomfort (and maybe yours), chili peppers can be truly magical for another more exciting room in the house, the bedroom. Capsaicin, the chemical that causes the burning feeling in your mouth also increases metabolic activity, giving the eater more energy. Additionally, the heightened sensitivity in the mouth can cause for some interesting kisses. Be careful with this semi-dangerous food though by making sure you and your partner can handle the spice!


6. Arugula

And you thought this green was boring. Okay, at least I did. In Helen Yoest’s book, Plants With Benefits the author shares arugula’s historic job as an aphrodisiac. She quotes the ancient Roman poet Virgil: “the rocket [arugula] excites the sexual desire of drowsy people,” and shares that Roman naturalist Pliny the Elder prescribed the green to those hoping for a libido enhancer. Fast forward to the present day, Dr. Walt Larimore backs up this antique arugula claim with cold hard facts: the leafy green blocks “absorption of some of the environmental contaminants thought to be negatively impacting our libido.” No wonder so many women love eating salad in all those meme-able commercials.


7. Coffee

Some people say, “Don’t talk to me before I’ve had my morning coffee.” But maybe what they should be also be saying is, “Don’t seduce me before I’ve had my morning coffee!” Bustle writer Kat George jokingly argues that drinkers of the brown brew are better in bed but the evidence she points to does seem legit. Studies report that coffee drinkers have better stamina, stronger libidos, less chance of erectile dysfunction, less stress, sharper brain function, and even all-around better daily temperament—all ingredients of the recipe for a healthier sex life. As a sweet little bonus for you, Brooke Lark literally has a recipe for sex coffee featuring the added ingredients of raw cacao, coconut milk, honey, cinnamon, and ground maca. It’s not 100% scientifically guaranteed, but who can be mad at an extra pep in one’s step!



8. Citrus

You can’t go wrong with citrus. I’m talking lemon, I’m talking lime, I’m talking orange and all of orange’s slightly more adorable cousins such as clementines and cuties. Dr. Carol Queen confirms with Vice that the key to tasty “bits” is high quantities of citrus. "Any kind of intake, whether it's food, medication, or drink, can affect the flavor of your semen or vaginal fluid.” Citrus is also a aromatic enhancer for other secretions such as sweat, and who among of us wouldn’t be down with eau de grapefruit armpits? It seems only decent that if you are getting ready for a night of oral pleasure, you prep with a few gallons of lemonade.


9. Pumpkin Seeds

Finally, something to do with all those guts from Halloween pumpkin carving parties! Pumpkin seeds have heavy benefits for dudes due to the zinc, which promotes a healthy prostate and higher sperm production. But the buck doesn’t stop there. For ladies, the helpful little seeds contain a healthy kick of estrogen, an essential part of sexual health for women. I just caught myself salivating thinking of pumpkin seeds roasted in large quantities of butter. What a treat!


10. Nutmeg

Time shares that nutmeg has been considered an aphrodisiac for quite some time while also admitting there technically isn’t the research to prove it. They do point out that that the spice has been used for circulation and blood flow, which is definitely a component that can lead to a healthy sex life. Additionally, a study noted that nutmeg increased mating in mice, but alas there is a difference between mice and men.


11. Wine

The most obvious thing wine does for sexual health is lowering those Puritanical inhibitions about sex. But besides that, even though red wine does technically dehydrate the body (alcohol’s curse), it also has more than a few benefits to make up for it. A study showed that two glasses of wine a day can heighten testosterone levels, giving that pesky libido a push. Red wine also causes ladies’ blood to flow towards the regions in question, which can make any touching down there more stimulating.


Bonus: Water

I’ve got to throw water in here even though its colorless, odorless, tasteless, and easy to obtain (at least for the privileged). I mean, it’s water… I don't need to explain to you why it's important to guzzle. The Mayo Clinic reminds us the advice as old as time to drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day. Maybe you can get frisky and get some bubbly water — do your thing.

Next time you happen to be on a tour of your grocery aisle, it wouldn’t hurt to stock up on some of these seemingly innocent buys. Even if you don’t notice any changes to your sex life, the other health benefits are undeniable. Happy shopping!