There is something to learn for as long as there is something to teach, and I would love for people to never stop learning about themselves. And because this site is dedicated to adult accessories, of course I’m speaking of learning about yourself through intimate personal device shopping.
If you have yet to make your first purchase of an intimate accessory, that’s entirely okay. There are enough of us in the world who have experienced delayed or stunted developments of our own sexual exploration. I was definitely one of them. There is still no shame in it because it’s part of how we grow.
The word “nurturing” is not typically associated with sex toys, but it’s a new year. A new year hopefully means we’re also on a path toward discarding outdated notions and introducing healthy new ones that let you fully explore Next Phase you.
We should shop for erotic accoutrement like we shop for everything else, and start normalizing it. Masturbation can be a very real and very helpful means of self-care, so be kind to that process. It’s never too late to start.
If you’re curious about how to start shopping for yourself, it’s okay to be a little shy about it too. We all come to this part of our self discovery at our own pace, in our own way. The thing to remember is that these battery-powered enhancements go a long way toward the kind of self inspection that leads to greater self compassion.
My Great Masturbation Exploration began taking shape around age 10 or 11. We didn’t have the internet back then. There were no dirty magazines in the house. I had no one to talk to about the vile circus of hormones that comes with such extreme physical transformation, and takes its sweet emotional and mental toll. But, boy, did I find my orgasm. After-school homework took a back seat for a while there.
While I spent the next few years establishing my preferences for achieving orgasm, I didn’t set foot in an adult toy shop until nearly graduating college in my early twenties. (We had internet by then, but it was still pretty slow.) I was a little overwhelmed when I first walked in. I didn’t know what to shop for because I didn’t know what I was looking for. At the time I was in a long distance relationship, so something that resembled my boyfriend’s penis seemed a good place to start.
I browsed the shelves with a weird combination of nervousness and passive aggression, trying not to spend too much time looking at one particular item in case someone else was observing and trying to decode what my kink was. I was oblivious to the shop already being populated with like-minded people who were there to shop for themselves and 100% not there for me. (There might have been some residual Catholic guilt at play.)
As I made my way through the shop I began to notice that every person I saw was no different to anyone I would see at a gas station or supermarket. Ordinary folks. Everyone’s next door neighbours. Where were the depraved deviants I was warned about? You mean to tell me the people who work here actually want to help me in my quest to maintain and even improve my orgasm and not judge me for it? Ohhh. Because we’re all humans navigating our completely human sexual desires. And with that, I resumed my shopping with ease.
It Does a Body Good
Pro Tip: Arousal is as important as the orgasm, and this knowledge will no doubt aid in your search for the right device.
The beauty of being a woman, and a fully realized sexual one, is that first state of arousal. It’s sort of like having a little dessert before the main course. Whatever in your head gets your pulse going, really take the time to be present and follow it through.
The transition from arousal to orgasm means you even get to pick from at least five kinds of orgasms. Are you after quick clitoral jolt before work, a full-body chakra opener before sleep, or some combination thereof? As it always has, your body will tell you what it needs. The more you listen to it, the better you get off, and the better off you are.
Apart from releasing mimosa-brunch levels of joy-inducing chemicals into your system, science backs up the benefits of giving yourself regular orgasms, such as:
● Immunity boost
● Lower pain sensitivity
● Menstrual cycle regulation
● Lower stress levels
● Stronger sense of well being
You know how when something is weighing on your mind and talking about it sometimes helps clear up the brain fog? That’s what orgasms do for our entire bodies. Removing any unsettled restlessness allows us to properly rest and move on with the other important things in life. On top of all that, they just feel damn good.
New Beginnings and Happy Endings
Because our bodies and minds are so intertwined, it’s important that we carefully extract all the negative psychology surrounding personal sexual exploration. I sincerely hope that after reading all this, anyone who’s been hesitant about sex toy shopping will swap out their furtive steps for confident strides.
If you are still reading this: you are a beautiful, vibrant, intelligent human being with the capacity to do anything you want in life while being a benefit to others. And part of living your human experience means your own pleasure does not ever have to remain a mystery to you. Happy shopping!
[P.S. Please do not forget to buy lube! Definitely read labels when browsing and avoid lubricants with vaginal irritants like glycerin, glycols, and parabens. Anything that super disrupts your vagina’s ecosystem is likely to lead to a yeast infection, or something more unpleasant.]
[P.P.S. If your shiny new toy requires batteries, please consider using rechargeables to keep the planet, and your self exploration, going a little longer.