An Intro to Lesbian Sex

Provided consent is in place, taking your intimacy with someone to the next level means opening up a vulnerability that coincides with pleasure. We learn how to navigate this vulnerability with practice, but your first few times can be awkward and confusing, especially if you've received little to no true education on the physical and emotional logistics of "how to have sex." Let’s change that with a walk through of the basics of lesbian sex, because vulva on vulva action is worth the deep dive and frankly, it's the tits (pun intended).

First things first, know that all vaginas are different and respond to different things when it comes to pleasure. There's no "one size fits all" to lesbian sex, so communication is key. You have to both speak up and listen at the same time. Don't be afraid to let them know what feels good and what doesn't, which touches make you hotter and which ones do nothing for your arousal. This type of openness generally brings a new level of closeness between partners, one rooted in trust and comfort, which can level up your orgasms.




Vulvas vary in appearance, bringing it back to the no "one size fits all" bit. To be more comfortable with the sight of things, maybe take a mirror and check out what's going on down there with your own lady parts – sometimes we don't take enough time to know our own bodies before interacting with others, so take a gander! This will also help you figure out what exactly you like about being touched; keep the mirror in place and go through the motions of masturbating to see what it is that you're doing to yourself that you love so much, which will make it easier to vocalize to someone else. What gives you that next level sensation?





Part of the fun of sex is the buildup, so don't skimp on foreplay. Also remember that not everyone is going to like the same things as you when it comes to the first course of a pleasurable feast. Just because you like your boobies fondled, doesn't mean that does anything for the lady you're trying to pleasure; they may not like it at all actually, so just ask! Some nipples are more sensitive than others, so easing into titty play with soft caresses and rubs may be your best bet to see what level of touch they're comfortable with. Start gentle, cup, trace and kiss her breasts, maybe lick her nipple in a circular motion or try lightly sucking to gauge its impact on her lady parts. Pay attention! If her body is reacting to what you're doing, do some more. But if you notice her face start to frown or look confused, if her body begins to tense as things begin to escalate, slow ya roll and stay within the boundaries both her mouth and body are vocalizing.


Clitoral Stimulation

As a woman yourself, you know what feels good to you and how you get off (or if you don't, go back to that mirror and figure out what works!). Many women find clitoral stimulation to be A1 and actively enjoy the sensation and friction of rubbing on their clit. But again, gauge how fast or slow, how soft or hard to rub on that sensitive spot, and even the outer lips. And don't stop at just using your fingers for stimulation, tongues do amazing work on the clit as well! Don't be shy about adding some soft, long strokes of your tongue to heat things up. The ultimate level of clitoral stimulation (in my opinion) is straight up vag on vag, or scissoring. I remember humping my pillow as a child and into my adulthood I found that to be my jam when having sexytime with women, but it's not for everyone and certainly isn't something you need to try or perfect the first go around.



Fingering can be a delicate subject depending on the person. Personally, fingering doesn't do much for me, unless you know how to effectively hit my G-spot. A super important thing to remember is to make sure your nails are in good shape. There is nothing worse than seeing the nails of a potential sexual partner and there's hella dirt underneath, they're too long to imagine feeling good, jagged, or a combo of all three. You're entering the inside of her body, so cleanliness is key! Try starting with one finger, gliding in and out gently before adding in another finger if it feels good to her. Looking to hit her G-spot? It may take some trial and error but there's a general roadmap on how to find it: with your finger(s) inside her, turn them so the palm of your hand is facing up, wiggle your fingers a bit and make a "come hither" motion. The G-spot will feel a bit spongy, so you'll know you've found it, but again, be gentle! There's no need to go jackhammer crazy trying to beat up her G-spot.




Eating the Vag

If you added in a bit of tongue while stimulating the clit, you're on the right track. The sensation of a tongue circling your clit, making its appearance more prominent, is next level. Don't be afraid to suck on it a bit and see how she reacts. Part the labias and lick up and down from the vaginal entrance to the clit, leave no part of the pom pom out! And combining some consistent licking with a finger inside, pumping in and out can intensify the bodily feels, making her wetter because you trusted yourself to make her feel good.


Toys, Toys, TOYS!

Probably one of my favorite parts of getting down and dirty is adding in some fun toys to the mix. Vibrators instantly spice up the moment and the vibez naturally intensify those sensual feels as they gently suction on your clit or buzz their way to your G-spot. There's remote controlled vibrators, butt plugs and balls that are all meant to heighten the experience with your partner. But don't feel pressured to go straight to the vibrators, there's definitely levels to this type of intimacy.




Important Notes

STI's are always a possibility when entering into a sexual situation. They can be transmitted between female sexual partners through skin-to-skin contact, mucosa contact, vaginal fluids, menstrual blood, and sharing sex toys. Be sure to wash your toys in between partners, and if you're really trying to play it safe, latex gloves may be something to consider and there are such things as flavored dental dams (pina colada anyone?).

Keep in mind that these initial experiences are meant to educate you on not only your body, but the body of other women, which are all unique in their own way. I cannot stress enough that communication is a valuable part of figuring out how to pleasure your partner in the best way possible, and vice versa! It's way more than just trying to reach an orgasm, sexual intimacy is about gaining trust, being vulnerable and open with a part of you that most others don't see. And too many of us are insecure about our bodies or performances—it's key to break the stigma that there's a right and wrong way to have sex. Do whatever feels right! For some, penetration may not be of interest, and others build on the act of being so close in proximity that scissoring is the go-to for an ultimate orgasmic session.

Above all else, trust yourself and your body's reaction each step along the way, and enjoy the ride.


a grey massaging plug balances on a cylindrical object surrounded by artfully draped fabrics


a grey massaging plug balances on a cylindrical object surrounded by artfully draped fabrics